Dispatches from The Field: More Creepy Men!

CW: Street Harassment

Episode 1: Boss Town

Went to see Reversible in Boston this weekend. We took the T to the show. When! All of a sudden!

CreepFace McGrossMan approacheth! And start saying nasty McCreep things to friends (all of whom are women!) Discomfort ensues!
Then! CreepFace sits down next to some friends and starts commenting to them about otherFriends who are sitting on the opposite side of the train car. Every time he makes a new comment he moves his hand to kinda “knock” on oneFriend sitting next to him – like the “oh and that one other thing” hand motion.


After a lil bit I kinda make a motion to be like “heyFriends wanna move to this side of the bench so that McCreepoVille can’t touch you”; they do, so now it’s the whole group sitting on one side of the train, and McCrapHead sitting on the other side of the train.

Obviously Creepo’s Very Important Feelings get hurt, so he starts berating the group, But we are impervious. What could have been a super average train ride becomes a sad display: a glorious group of fabulous humans Not Taking Any Bullshit, and HurtFace McDipshit spewing a callous barrage of nonsense all the way out the door. #byefelipe

Bonus points for Asshole 1 and 2 jeering on ElCreepo’s behalf from the far end of the car.

Episode 2: Amtrak

On the train back to NYC (best city ever), a man holding an ipad approaches a woman sitting next to me.

“Is this your daughter?” he says to the woman

“No, that’s someone else, my daughter looks different” she replies

“?????????????who???the fuck????????” I think

“She’s very pretty – very thin” he says

At this point I think to myself “ok. I don’t know these people. They obviously have some prior relationship, probably ran into each other on the train and were chatting. But WHY DOES HE HAVE A PICTURE OF SOME PERSON UP ON HIS IPAD. AND WHY IS HE ASKING THIS WOMAN ABOUT THE PICTURE. WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF STALKING”

But then, he seals the Grossout Deal:

“her skin is so clear, it’s like porcelain”

Fortunately, he didn’t stick around – the woman next to me made some nonchalant remarks and he went away. I really hope that he stopped looking around the internet for pictures of this woman’s daughter. Really really really hope.

A Prayer for all y’all FuckFaces: May you nevermore experience that illusory kindness afforded to you by the Uncomfortable People onto which you foist yourselves. May that illusion – a vestige of your privilege – let it break, in every moment of every day that you walk this earth and ride in these subway cars. Let come into sharp focus your own insecurities, inadequacies and shortcomings.

May you be blessed with this realization until the (unlikely) day that you recover from your sad state of ShitHeaddery. Until then, the door is behind you. Try not to hit your overinflated ego on the way out.

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